A Touch Of Levity

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Girls Look Great In Camo

The debutantes seem all the rage
Their beauty is without question
As portraits spread the society page
Of our local, quaint newspaper
They look elegant in their designer gowns
Their hairstyles are impeccable
And, as well, their carriage and demeanor
At the annual spring cotillion
The young men strive as they vie for favor
And a waltz with these young ladies
Designers show their works of art
Being worn by these elegant maidens
But, there's another style in fashion's thread
And that's the style for which I'd opt
It's known by various colorful names
Like Woodland, Realtree, and Mossy Oak
And, I know, if ever these lovely maids
Would shed those courtly designer gowns
And don some camo and hunting boots
Their awesome beauty would reign, renown
Now some will call me a "tacky" sort
Or impugn my raising and say I'm an oaf
But, "what the heck, I'm a proud redneck"
And girls do look great in camo

An Obtuse Request

It's very true that in myself
The virtue of patience is sadly want
So, Lord, I ask you grant to me
The gift of patience and if you please
Make my wait time short

Joker

When my wife and me got married
She had this little dog
He didn't like me none too much
He was rotten to the core
He would "pee" my hat and shoes
Anytime they were left out
He considered me an interloper
Living in HIS house
He'd race me to the bedroom
Every night when we'd retire
And bury up between the sheets
And I'd have to drag him out
More than once I told him
"Joker," this ain't gonna work
I married her, she' my wife now
You can't sleep with her no more

Granddad Had No Teeth

Granddad couldn't eat the crust
From Grandmother's crispy cornbread
‘Cause Granddad didn't have no teeth
And had to "gum" whatever he "et"
But, it all worked out, fine as "frog hair"
He'd dig the middle out
And leave the crispy crust for me
When I was at their house
Copyright: C R Clark- 2/14/2008

Little Dude's Treasure

Little Dude and his Little Wife
Settle down to married life
He goes to work, comes home to spouse
They smooch and cuddle, play a little house
Paint a shanty, shoot a "nanny"
Cook a deer steak, just like Granny
Take a tom, a squirrel or two
Make a pot of rabbit stew
Single life ain't even missed
‘Cause life don't get no better'n this

Ode to Baldness

Heads that shine are "oh so fine"
And mostly trouble free
No hair to fly when wind is high
They're always slick and neat

No hairspray or Brylcreme to buy
No brushes or pocket combs
And many ladies, I've heard it said,
Are fond of the old chrome dome

That must be why so many these days
Full heads of hair will shave
But, you can't shave hair that isn't there
I got mine the natural way

Now, you men of poetic métier
Whose hair has taken leave
Just write a verse if you'd care to link
With the baldheaded poets' league

Dandy Don

The groundhog comes each evening
And forages on the lawn
Even though he doesn't know it
I call him Dandy Don

I'd like to tell him of his name
But, I guess it just can't be
For, the slightest movement on my part
And Dandy Don will flee

Two mallards live here on the lake
They swim from the other shore
And lounge for hours there on the lawn
While Dandy Don explores

At times some deer will happen by
Just passing across the lawn
With no attention paid, at all
By the foraging Dandy Don

Why then is he so fearful
When I just open up the door
I guess that he, somehow, suspects
That I'm a carnivore

He wouldn't be so worried
Even though, I do eat meat
If he could only understand
On these feet, I ain't fleet

If you ever see me running
Just hide behind a tree
And don't look for what I'm chasing
‘Cause something's chasing me

Come On Fellers, Loosen Up

To the company that supplies our uniforms
This letter is written to alert and inform
We don't really like what you've gone and done
We liked things better like they used to run

Ya'll changed our britches, now we can't breathe
Traded our "Dickies" for some new blue jeans
They don't rightly fit, they're way too tight
When I wear ‘em, my voice starts to sound real high

Ya'll need to consider who you're dealing with
We're all grown men, not high school kids
We don't like bending to be so hard
We like loose blue jeans not leotards

Come on fellers, won't you help us, please
Give us back our "Dickies" loose blue jeans
We don't really care ‘bout tryin to look "buff"
Come on fellers, loosen up

The Times They're Always Changing

I've always loved the woodlands
Even when I was a boy
To hunt and fish and camp out
Would bring me endless joy

The grownups went to deer camp
It seemed the time would never come
When I was old enough to go
And be trusted with a gun

But, when the time had finally come
In an instant I was hooked
The camping and the hunting
I could never get enough

Then, on through my teenage years
My fever just got worse
From dawn till dusk out on my stand
Or stalking through the woods

The grownups started "wimping out"
After only a few days
I'd tease and shame them as they left
But, I was going to stay

It went on like that for quite a spell
I would often hunt alone
Our camp was big for a little while
Then most of them went home

Then when I was in my twenties
I met this "pretty thing"
We were married in the autumn
Just before deer season came

I told her how I loved to hunt
She said that would be all right
But when I left her at the door
My throat felt kinda tight

That year we had a bigger camp
Kinfolk came from near and far
Dad had bragged about my prowess
How I'd hunted long and hard

I sat my stand quite early
Well before daylight
Then suddenly it occurred to me
"I can't stay out here tonight"

My "sweet thing's" waiting back at home
While I'm sitting in a tree
But, what'll I tell them back at camp
When they see I'm gonna leave

For all the past few years
I've shamed them without mercy
And told them "they were wimping out"
When they left the woods too early

I tried to think up an excuse
For going home that night
But, the more I tried, the more I knew
That bird weren't gonna fly

I'd just go back to camp early
And create a little smoke
They'd all still be out hunting
And I'd just leave a little note

But then when I got back to camp
Much to my surprise
Every one of them was there
Standing around the fire

Now what's the chance of that, I thought
As I was walking in
And then I noticed on every face
A silly, smirky grin

You're early son, my dad piped up
Didn't ‘spect you in till dark
I said well.....I....ah...I don't know
I ain't feeling none too smart

My uncle said "I can see it, boy
You're about to get the shakes
You best go get that purty girl
To put a cool rag on your face"

He said "Son, I know what's wrong with you
You're suff'rin from withdrawal
You best go home and get it fixed
You can try again tomorrow"

Then laughter burst out ‘round the fire
It sounded loud as thunder
Then I knew that I'd been had
I'd really made a blunder

As I drove off down the road
My windows rolled up tight
I could hear the "heehawing" back at camp
Till I got plumb out of sight

That day I learned a lesson
Now, I don't do much haranguing
‘cause, to paraphrase what Dylan said
The times they're always changing